The problem has been established, my relationship with food is not healthy. I eat food for comfort, boredom, stress, anxiety and when I am depressed. This leads me to a spiral of guilt, as I feel guilty for eating so much which make me more depressed. People who have a nonemotional relationship with food always have the quick easy answer of this is all it takes. It is as simple as track the food you eat and what your body expels and after a few weeks, you will see how simple it is to know when to stop and why because of the number associated with it. This thing is it is that number that often leads to the additional guilt of not making it and right now seeing those numbers would turn this change into a daunting unsurmountable task. The aches of the stomach and the big red numbers saying you ate too much I would have to fight to tell myself it is okay. For example, today stress and a bit of hunger led me to buying a bottle of dr pepper and having a snack bag of cheese-its. This yes would have let me over my calories, however, without that number I am able to easily say “I only had half the bottle” and “Tomorrow I will pack a snack and bring my water to lunch.” This was a small setback but does not destroy my day.

In saying these I know, I am defeating myself.  In already vocalizing that I can’t handle or it’s overwhelming  to put it into numbers. That is the point though of what I am doing and taking it into steps where I will be able to handle it no matter what stress the day hands before. At this point, it is about training my mental state to not be so hard on myself of these little things and remember food is just that food. It can be deliciously but it is not what will stop tears from flowing nor will it stop the boredom that comes in the night when I can not sleep but do not want to do anything. This is my lifestyle change and through time and steps, my relationship with food will be better.

inside a bowl only to see what surrounds you

your burdens, your triumphs, your failures, and your riches

you hold each to unlikeable perceptions

molding your bowl deeper and deeper

learn to persevere with goodness and joy

reshaping your bowl and with it, your perception of yourself

as well as the world

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